The wounds on the outside heal; they may scar over or disappear altogether. It is the scars on the inside that continue to bleed, that we carry with us each day of our lives. The inner wounds are the ones that dictate who you are today and who you will turn into tomorrow.
Healing isn’t cut and dry, it is a journey that each of us must take hundreds of times throughout our lives. Sometimes the hill is easier to climb and then we can walk down the other side. Other times we struggle to reach the mountains peak only to fall off the edge and crash.
No matter how we get there, we somehow do.
Sometimes I feel lost. Lost within the confines of my mind, lost as a person in this world and I wonder if my life and my pain will ever impact anyone more than me. Will my experiences be something that help someone else or will they merely be something that bounce around in my head and torment me until my final breath?
I like to think that God did not allow me to survive all that I have in vain. That my story, my experiences will be used to help people, to bring Him honor and praise. What was done to me in the name of “god” will be undone and my prayer is that people who are hurt or abused by the wolves who wear the sheeps clothing will realize that the sheep didn’t injure them.
God was not the bully, it was not His will for my punishments, for my beatings, for my rapes. I was taught to think it was God’s will and it took me a great deal of time to realize that it wasn’t God, it was an imposter (satan) posing as the Almighty.
I am often saying “even Satan can read” and I understand that God is here to protect me. I must open my eyes and my ears to His teachings. I must open my heart to His unconditional love. I must accept that Jesus knows best and through learning His Word I know I will be accepted into His Kingdom and that as long as I follow the guidelines He has handed to me in the Biblical teachings that I will survive and I will enjoy His riches, now and forever.
“I once was lost but now I’m found, I was blind but now I see” –Newton
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