Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Bouncing About!

I guess one could say this has been a fairly emotion week for myself and several of my friends. We have been dealing with everything from illness, to bullying, to financial issues. It seems like when things hit they always hit hard and fast which I guess is or can be a good thing because everything is over and done with at once, but boy does it wipe you out. 

I have been betrayed by someone who I never could have imagined hurting me, never mind on purpose or without explanation. I guess months of talking to one another day in and out isn’t enough regardless of how much you claim to care or how willing you seem to be to protect one another. Funny how things work out, that’s for sure. 

I have been having randomly insane dreams and flashbacks again in my sleep. Stress is always so kind to me –NOT! I find myself feeling as though I am drowning in a sea of chaos and confusion. I think it is fair to say I am exhausted both mentally and physically. 

I was asked to rest today and I did for several hours. I am good at arguing against it because of nightmares but I have come to realize in the last week or so that when someone says I should get some rest that they are likely right, even if it is frustrating. After all, I wouldn’t fall asleep if rest wasn’t required. 

I was feeling rather reckless earlier on. I think that has subsided, at least for now. Maybe I am just overwhelmed by everything and I am just too tired to keep fighting. I am feeling rather submissive at this point and it isn’t going without notice. I have just come to realize that in a lot of things I am not willing to recognize what I actually need versus what I merely want. 

I think I will be done talking about that stuff it’s just depressing and really uninteresting.

I have had my little girl spirit coming by again most evenings. It always seems like she is here so early because of the time change. I am always surprised when a spirit follows the daylight savings time rules, but then again they wouldn’t be visiting me and communicating with me or touching me if they were residual instead of intelligent. I have known for quite some time now that she was a young girl but tonight while she was playing with my hair as she always does she revealed more of herself to me.

She has dark hair, nearly black, and skin about the color of mine, very white. She isn’t one of my children, but she is related in some way, which I find odd because I don’t know of anyone who lost a female child who was related to me. Only boys. She revealed to me that when she died she was older but for whatever reason likes this younger age to visit me in.

Child spirits are always hard to deal with, especially when you have lost children of your own. I love how she always plays with my hair though, feeling those tiny fingers on the back of my head. She reminds me of when my own kids were young and it often makes me sad because she also reminds me of the children in the heavens whom I am missing out on. The only solace this brings me is knowing that my angels don’t have to deal with the pains of this world and that they will forever remain innocent and pure because they were taken back by God Himself. 

Spring is already in the air, the snow is gone rather early this year and things are starting to pop up in the garden. The birds are back and many of the trees are beginning to get buds. It is very weird for March where I live. Normally at this time of year I am still contending with snow and shovels and heat. I don’t even have the heat on right now. Normally I would be considering buying seeds and starting them indoors at around this time of year. It appears as though the growing season is going to be longer this year than normal so I am thinking now about doing a vegetable garden for the first time in a long time.

I have so much on my mind right now everything is bouncing around so horribly. I don’t know if I am going up down or round in circles. 

I have lots to say but no means to communicate it so I will end here for today.

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