Monday, January 30, 2012
Trying to figure out what’s mine and what isn’t right now is growing difficult. The pain is ridiculously taking over my body and there isn’t anything I can do but to try and think positively so that the negative energy that is attacking me loses its’ grip. I doubt most people reading this have ever been physically attacked before. I was being stubborn (aren’t I always?) and asked the person who is protecting me right now to stop, he noticed almost instantly that my mood changed and rebuilt the circles that surround me to keep the negative things at bay. Unfortunately, in those few seconds, something came through and within a few hours my back was black with bruises that nearly everyone has describe as “wings”.
Yesterday, I noticed that my arms and my leg were hurting like they were starting to bruise as well. When I got out of the bath, I noticed that my leg and arms were red and I took pictures. About an hour later the bruises were becoming much more apparent so I took new pictures.
I have no clue if what attacked me did it during the few moments in which the circles were down or if it is on the inside with me and is causing these problems as I go.
I am frustrated to say the least.
Now, I am going to answer the question that has been asked by nearly everyone aside from my protector. Yes, I have had this happen before. It was on and off for over a year back in 06/07 and I saw my family doctor, a neurologist, a hematologist, a kidney specialist, an internal specialist, a surgeon, an allergist, emergency room doctors, a chiropractor, and along with all those tests I also had an MRI and a CT scan, every report came back saying I was perfectly healthy and that they could not figure out why bruises were appearing on me for no reason. Back then, I never really thought that it was paranormal. I was more frustrated with the medical staff not finding anything. However, I am older now and I know more and I have no doubt that this, among other things, is completely paranormal.
It seems that the stronger your faith grows and the deeper your belief runs the more likely you are to be attacked, over the last few months I have been questioning religion, god, and that proverbial question “Who am I?”. As I am growing into myself and feeling more confident in where I should be and how I should get there the more attacked I am becoming, both spiritually and now physically. That said it really can’t be judged as far as who gets attacked and who doesn’t and why based on faith and spirituality because the person who claims to be an atheist would always chalk up paranormal activity to bad luck, an undiagnosed health problem, etc. Where a person who is strong in their faith, especially Christians (IMO) seem to be attacked quite often, but this could be because they live in a more spiritual world and are taught through the Bible that there are demons out there ready to hurt anyone and that they must be cast out in Jesus name.
Then you have what I call “root religions” the ones that tend to scare everyone for some reason, like Paganism and Wicca. The majority of Christian holidays coincide with Pagan holidays and rituals. While Christianity was growing it began to take over these celebratory dates and would add a Christian meaning to them to try and take away from the original. So, for example, while you are celebrating Christmas a Pagan would be celebrating Yule, the winter equinox –the day that has the least amount of sunlight over the entire year. The Pagan “roots” in most Christian celebrations is the reason that Jehovah’s Witness’ chose to not celebrate these occasions.
Even blowing out a candle on your birthday cake has some depth of “magic” to it. By the time you are two years old you have effectively cast your first spell. You lit a candle, you focused on the candle, you thought about a wish and you made your wish and then you kept thinking about that wish, encouraging things to align positively so that innocent little wish can come true. Whether your wish comes true or not, you essentially participated in Wiccan candle magic. The exact same thing you likely fear is something you have probably done every year since you turned one!
These root religions have an army of Gods and you choose the ones to worship based on your personal needs at the time. The gods are also male and female, just like nature is. We live in a world where everything has an opposite, and a perfect match in that opposite.
I realize that this entry is quite long and not really as raw as normal. I feel like all I have been doing the last few days is whine and cry because of the amount of physical pain I am in from this attack. My body is sore everywhere and knowing that it has been caused by an unseen force is annoying and frustrating and even angering. I have thought several times of just giving up and giving into this thing just to get the pain to stop. I got a good yelling at to set me straight on giving up. So, no, I am not giving up, I am not going to let some asshole pick on me just because he feels like it.
I am exhausted both mentally and physically and my friend is literally dragging me through the mud to keep me alive. How does one go about thanking somebody for protecting them, letting them sleep, picking them up when they are down, and literally carrying the person over hot coals and shards of broken glass. Although it has never been said, I feel very loved. I feel safe in those hands that protect me so well. It’s those hands I wrote about previously that I am thinking about now.
I would love to have those hands caressing me, holding me close, drowning my pain in his positive energy while I sleep in his arms.
That’s what I want, but what will I get?
If you would like to see the bruises from the attack on me you can see them here. I must warn you that these are pictures of my thights, arms and back and the bruises are quite graphic. Don't open if you cannot handle that kind of thing.