Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Finding Health

I’ve realized…

That love is always enough, but the difference between love and lust is respect and where respect is lacking in a relationship then you are left with nothing but lust, and dreams that can never come true.

I shouldn’t be made to feel jealous or anxious over an inanimate object. I should be first in the life of the person who claims to love me. I shouldn’t be lied to, I shouldn’t be neglected and I shouldn’t be abandoned for a couple of drinks.

If someone is willing to place objects or desires before their “love” for me then it’s not real love and I don’t want it anyway. I am human, I have emotions and I have far more value to the lives around me then any object ever can.

I’ve tried…

To deal with my jealousy over alcohol and to leave the questions about why I am not good enough to fulfill ones needs and it is, yet I can’t get past this hurt and people can’t get past knowingly causing me that worry and pain.

To help and make recommendations that fell on deaf ears despite the fact that I was told I was the only one who could make these issues go away. I have tried and for the first time I have failed.

Being supportive and to encourage healthy options like counselling, yet I once again fail.


Should I continue to fight for someone when they don’t fight for themselves?

Should I feel pain and worry on a daily basis and live in fear of fights or setting someone off?

Should I allow myself to be beaten down mentally and emotionally by someone who is selfish enough to only care about what makes them feel good?

Do I care at all when it hurts so darn bad?

I am moving on…

And getting rid of the people who cause me so much worry and hurt. I have enough of that without inviting it in.

I am going to restart actively looking for the person God has intended for me to marry so that I can begin my life and be happy.

I am quitting my job as mother to men twice my age. I am a mother and the kids are often better behaved and less embarrassing then these “adults” who claim to need and want my help.

It is time…

To live for myself, my children and most of all God. If you don’t fit into my life without causing strife then you are no longer welcome to be a part of me and who I hope to one day become.

To love myself unconditionally because if I can’t love myself the way the Lord intended how can I expect someone else to?

To rest and heal so that I can better my life and my surroundings without being made to feel guilty.

God is…

Love and since I am created in His likeness I am also love.

I am…

Excited to begin this journey and walk this path. It has been laid before me for a reason and unless I take the first step I will never know what comes when I take the last.

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